A Year In Review

2014 has been a difficult and interesting year. I spent half of it working in retail before I decided to go back to school to become a funeral director. Now I am an apprentice working in a great Milwaukee based funeral home.

I had to spend both Thanksgiving  and Christmas down here and now New Years, which has been a first, but the experience  has taught me that time spent with family and loved ones is very important.

I have learned a lot, more so about death than love or life unfortunately, but I hope that that will even out in the new year.

I went on many great adventures with many wonderful people over this year. Traveled the farthest  north that I have ever been in Wisconsin, and even got to walk across the Michigan boarder. Also got to go to Disneyworld  for the first time ever and spend it with my wonderful sorority sisters.

My hope for 2015 is to break out of my comfort zone and get to meet new people, especially as I begin the process of moving down here in the spring.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported me through my crazy adventure of becoming a funeral director. I pray that none of you will be in need  of my services  this coming year, but if you should find yourself caught up in the turmoil of death know that I am here for you and wish to help you in anyway that I can.

May you all have a joyful  and safe new year.

Until next time.

Hell Week

If you remember from my previous blog, I had mention that with the holidays and winter comes our busy season in the death industry...or at least our funeral home. This week  showed me just how busy and crazy it can get. So let's do a hell week recap!

Monday: We have an evening visitation at our main location and everything is going fairly well...until this one elderly gentleman starts to pass out and vomit black bile aka blood. We called 911 and they sent a fire truck over...and then they called for an ambulance once they realize his blood pressure was continuing to drop and after he reenacted a scene from The Exorcist only this time swapping out the pea soup with black bile. Guess who the lucky person was who had to clean that up! Thankfully he made it all into the blue recycling bin. Out of everything I do, and encounter on a daily basis, vomit will always be a gagging trigger for me. I don't believe we got any calls that night.

Tuesday: Caleb and I had to go on a call to a hospital which usually isn't a big deal. This time however proved to be such a pain in the ass because the entry into the morgue is by the loading docks and you need to take a lift up. Well there was a semi trailer not only blocking the lift but partially the stars as well. We had called security but they pretty much useless, so Caleb and I decided to drop the got and climb up the stairs. Once we got in we got the body and I was ready to put our ankle identification bracelet on her. When I opened up the body bag I saw that she was a double leg amputee and was fairly large, it is safe to say she was fairly spherical with her double amputation. Due to this our second leg strap was worthless which meant she was only locked in around the ribs, which really made me nervous about going down the stairs in case her weight shifted. After looking at how close the semi was parked to the wall, we decided to try to take the lift down but keep the gate in instead of locking in (because it swings out to open). This meant that we had to put the cot in at an angle an each hold on to its ends with dear life. We made it safely down and after dropping the cot only one level, were able to squeeze all the way down. It was truly a feat of daring, but we made it. Later that day we unfortunately had to pick up the body of Michelle's brother-in-law, from the M.E. because he had died of a drug over dose, he was only 30 and left behind two little boys and his fiance.

Wednesday: Even though we had two services that day, I didn't work either one because they were day services and I was in school.  Michelle and her family did a private viewing on their dearly departed which started at 5:30, and wasn't done until 7:30. Normally we only allow for an hour but since Michelle works there and there was no one else around obviously we made an exception. I got to meet her sister (now widow) and her little nephews. It was truly heart breaking hearing them say "why is daddy so cold?" and "give daddy a hug good bye, promise him you'll be a good boy." I can not even begin to image what kind of hell Michelle and her family are going through. Drugs are absolutely the worst and take the lives of too many people.
So when I got done at 7:30, I went back to my dorm, only to get called back in at 9 for a removal; I was literally 3 minutes away from my dorm and then got another call and didn't get done until 12:15 a.m.  On that second call we were told that it was a house call and that the man was around 240 lbs, big, but should still be manageable with our regular cot...we were lied to. This guy was well pushing over 300 lbs, and should have been placed on our bariatric cart. To top it off we had to go up and down a sharp incline of stairs with a very obese man...I was petrified of dropping the body or slipping on the stairs....turns out my fear was misplaced because when we got back to The Home the cots back legs didn't click in and ended up dropping....my greatest fear realized. I will mention that my partner Kevin and I did notice that this gentleman had a very red and swollen eye, but the hospice nurse checked off the "No" box for needing to inform the medical examiner, we noticed this at the house before the issue with the cot.

Thursday: After spending a good chunk of my day making register books and videos, Dani asked me about what was going on with the guy with the black eye that Kevin and I had removed last night. I told her what we knew (which was nothing, he was already pretty much like that, although now the swelling had gone down and staining had taken place). Turns out that we should have asked the hospice nurse as to what had happened because the M.E. who had come in was questioning it and thought it looked suspicious, who the fuck knows.

Friday: I worked one of the two services at our second location, and had to do a line up outside, so that is where I spent most of my time, until I came back and finished a bunch of books. Kevin and I got a removal call at around 7 p.m. that night, and at 9 p.m. Dani called me saying to come in early tomorrow for an embalming. Oh and Caleb asked if I would cover for him on Monday so he could go to the Packer game...he originally texted me, and I was ignoring it; until all of a sudden he magically showed up at work which he hardly ever does on a Friday until it's his night to be on call. I said I would...mainly because there was really no other option, which really sucks about this job. I ended up working 12 hours that day.

Saturday: I knew going into Saturday was going to be just absolutely wretched, and I was not wrong. I got in at 7 a.m. and Dani was already pretty much done with the embalming...yeah why the hell was I  even there?  We had 4 funerals that day, two at are main location, one at our other location, and one at church. I was stuck at our main location parking cars. Once service A was under way, it was stopped about half way through due to an elderly man fainting. Quick flash back to Monday!  Thankfully this man was not vomiting an ode to The Exorcist  We did have to call 911 and get the man taken to the hospital, all the while trying to get this other service underway. It was such pandemonium the parking lot because both services were doing a procession, but you could only start the line up for service A, to which we only had 4 cars....until the fuckers found out that there was going to be a free lunch, then everybody  wanted to go. So Sean and I are running around the parking lot trying to get flags on all the cars that are going in procession, and once we get that one done and on its way, service B gets done and the exact same fucking thing happens AGAIN! So now service B is done and we have to frantically clean because we have a family coming in to do a private viewing and another family coming in to do an arrangement Then we need to finish the books and get things ready for tomorrow. Oh and did I mention that we had two death calls, in two different cities? So now Kevin and I get to spend the rest of our afternoon driving across the great state of Wisconsin. First we go up to Oconomowoc because this removal was going to be embalmed, so that was about an hour of driving but the removal went well. Once we got back from Oconomowoc, we then had to go down to Racine not knowing that the woman we were transporting would be well over 400 lbs. Yeah, we couldn't even get the arm rests to go up let alone zip up our cot all the way. I have never seen Kevin drive so timidly before, taking very wide turns...believe me it was a good thing because this woman was barely on our cot. Again another case where, had we had known, we would have taken our bariactric cart. So now we are back from Racine and solicit the help from David to get this lady into our prep room, thankfully she was just alternative care. While Kevin is working on her, I go up front, only to encounter Jack taking yet another  death call, this one being at some creepy ass rest home in Milwaukee that Kevin and I have never been to. It is now 5:15 and the family says that we need to be there by 6...we get there at 6:10, after we finally figure out where it is that we need to go.

This place is just as creepy on the inside as it is on the outside, plus it is run by Polish speaking nuns in full nunnery. The family we met during this removal was really nice, but when we gave them some time to say good bye, Kevin and I were unaware that they were actually waiting on two more family members to come, so we waited for over half an hour...we were not pleased.

Kevin and I playing the waiting game

Praying to Jesus to give us strength and endurance to get through today. 

When we finally did leave, we had to walk back down this creepy ass hallway that was only partially lit. 

Gee doesn't that remind you a lot of this?

Just add some nuns in the background and you got yourself this creepy ass rest home that Kevin and I went to

 

So we finally get this removal done, only to find out that Dani has been waiting on us so we could get this embalming done. Kevin and I were not pleased, we were so over tired, we were getting slap happy. Thankfully with the three of us, and the fact that it was only a one point embalming, we were able to get it done within 30 minutes or so. By the time we were walking out the door it was 8 p.m. I had officially worked 13 hours.

Thus ends the official work week, tomorrow starts a new one


I pray to the Lord Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to save me from sin, that we do not have any more calls today or tomorrow, but especially today.

I do not know what tomorrow will bring but pray that it doesn't end with me working another 13 hour shift.

Until next time.

(Un)Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

While everyone here has gone home for Thanksgiving break, I am currently stuck in Milwaukee until Friday night. This is the pain of working in the death industry and being an apprentice. I've worked retail for six years before working at The Home, so I am very familiar with having to forgo the traditional turkey dinner with friends and family to work Black Friday; which is more and more becoming a Black Thursday.  So having to stay in Milwaukee isn't all that surprising for me, but this is the first time where I will have to miss a holiday, and not even have the opportunity to see any of my friends and family. And for a young twenty-something living away from home for the first time; this is a really hard pill to swallow. (And don't even get me started on Christmas, another holiday that I will not be able to enjoy). I'm trying very hard not to be bitter about this situation, truly I am. So here is a list of some things that I am thankful for:

- I am thankful for my health and the health of my mother
- I am thankful to be above ground
- I am thankful to have a job doing something I really enjoy
- I am thankful for the opportunity to go back to school for this
- I am thankful for a roof over my head and that I have the whole dorm to myself
- I am thankful that I can sleep in and do nothing all day
- I am thankful for a car that works and is reliable

So that is the short of it. Tomorrow is Black Friday, and in the death industry it has a whole new meaning. This is the start of the busy season for us, and when you think about it, it makes logical sense. The weather during winter can get very bad and very cold causing horrible accidents thus driving (sometimes literally) people inside where disease and illness can run rampant, and on top of that you have the holidays which can be a very depressing time of year for many people (I am now starting to understand this better), thus the suicide and murder rate unfortunately goes up.

Murder? Murder you say? Well I am just guessing here, but I honestly would not be surprised if someone got killed over a $20 crock pot, or hated their present because it was for the wrong video game system and thus goes on a murderous rampage. Believe me, crazier shit has happened.

Tomorrow and going into this weekend we have two funerals every day. Which means even though it is not my weekend to work, I lose any ability to go home early, so I won't be seeing my mom until Friday night if the weather decides to cooperate.

In the grand scheme of things these are just small peanuts compared to what others go through, especially the families we service. For many this is the first Thanksgiving where their loved one will not be there because they have passed.

So if you're reading this in between basting your turkey or watching the football game, take a moment to say thank you to your loved ones for being around you. And give them a big hug and let them know you love them, because things can change dramatically in the blink of an eye.

Until next time.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

This weekend I was able to go home and spend some time with my mom and cat Jack. Sunday we had a bit of an emergency when Jackson got really sick due to some cat food. Mom and I had to drive almost thirty minutes north to the animal emergency hospital, but Jack was deemed okay and we were able to bring him home. We have to monitor his food and give him rice and chicken, but he should hopefully make a full recovery. Because of this little scare I decided to stay an extra night in Point and headed back to Milwaukee early this morning.

I was able to make it to school well before class started and got some studying in for my chemistry exam, which I think I did pretty good on. Going into work I knew that it was going to be a long day when I saw Kevin and Steve complaining about going into an embalming. I volunteered since tonight was my night on call to do it...I didn't realize that the embalming was an autopsy, this process as I have already described in some previous blogs takes a while to get through; and this body was discovered, meaning it was not in good shape.

Even though the body was not in full decomp, it was very black and blue, especially on the left side due to the fact the decedent was found dead on his left side. He apparently died while taking a nap, perhaps due to sleep apnea who knows. He was well over 250 lbs, and in his early 40's. His finger tips and left arm were purple and black, which makes our job as an embalmer really difficult because once that happens it is really hard to reverse; especially if the decedent has been dead for a few days. So at this point we are just working to preserve the body, and will use corrective make-up for pretty much everything else.

I was working on this body with Mitch, which was great because he layered the organs inside the cavity while I poured on the 'Shake-N-Bake'. Suturing this time went a little easier, although I did form a small blister on my left index finger...but that just means that I was doing a good job on my suturing. When Mitch was shooting the embalming fluid up into the head I had to clamp the artery behind the eyes shut, but going up the left side there was a small leak so I had to press that down with my finger. ..."Just got my hand in some guy's skull, no big deal...so what did you do today?"

Oh did I mention that this guy was pretty much his own little bloody water park? When Mitch was shooting down the legs there were tiny little streams of embalming fluid shooting up from the muscle tissue right along the ridge of fat, I have never seen anything like it. The fluid retention in the face was a bit much, so Mitch had to use a surgery to suck some of the fluid out but it wasn't working. His alternative was to slice open the eye ball and push the fluid out...and what came along with it was the innards of the eye...this is where I started to dry heave. I was not prepared to slice open a guy's eye tonight. When you squeeze an eye after slicing it open, "eye jelly" (not sure what the medical term is for it) comes oozing out...but this is why we have eye caps kids!

So once we were done, we cleaned up and headed home. Now I get to write my embalming report about today, this will be my 4 out of 25. (I was not very smart and did not document my first few embalming).

A quick shout out to my neighbor Bruce back home in Stevens Point, he has been so supportive of me going to school to become a mortician, he gave me one of his 1938 Cadillac model hearses!

It comes complete with casket, church truck, and opens up! It has such amazing detail I am very thankful to receive such a wonderful, and thoughtful gift. Thank you Bruce!

And so I leave you with this poem by Dylan Thomas

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Until next time. 

Good Intentions

I realized that it has been a while since I have written anything in my blog. To be honest nothing all that interesting has happened...until of course last night.

At around 1:30 am, the fire alarm in our dorm went off. Now I personally hate any loud alarms or sirens because for whatever reason they just freak me the hell out. So waking up to a very loud, very scary fire alarm is pretty much a nightmare for me. After putting on warmer clothes and getting my jacket my room mates and I exited out to the street. Shortly there after two fire trucks came ...I didn't see any smoke, but the stench of diesel fuel nearly gagged me to death. After waiting outside for about twenty minutes we were told to walk across the bridge to Riverview, another dorm, but once we got there, we were told that it was okay to return. The bitching and moaning from everyone was immense. Once we got back to our floor, our RA told us to report any standing water. I promptly through a massive bitch fit, thinking that the sprinklers went off....but thankfully they didn't. I'm not sure what caused the fire alarm to go off, but that is not something that I want to experience again...especially at 1:30 in the morning, in November.

And of course I had to arrive at work earlier than our usual time because we had a morning service at church. Today was a day full of good intentions that promptly blew up in my face, and me trying to be helpful but to no avail. After our morning service at church (which Caleb and I kinda dropped the ball on), we got back in time for the afternoon service at The Home. This service was for the woman that Kevin had to drive 3 hours North to transfer into our care, so of course her family and relatives would be traveling today for the services....I did not know that one of the grandchildren would be coming via taxi from Madison, (this person has some physical handicaps that prevent him from driving, reason why he needed to take a taxi...but man could you imagine how expensive that would get?) The turn out was small but the family was very nice. The services were done around 4, so we were expecting to clean up and head out shortly there after; unfortunately that was not the case. Apparently the taxi guy, even though he knew that he would be driving this person back, was told by his company to drive all the way back to Madison. So what does that mean? That means that at 4:00 pm, when the services were done, we had to call the Madison taxi to come to Milwaukee during rush hour to pick up this individual...he didn't arrive until 6:00 pm.

I would be a lot more upset about this if it wasn't for the fact that this guy was really nice and that I was basically getting paid for two hours to do nothing.

Oh, and I know that I will regret writing this, but I have not done a removal since November 2nd....that is really freaking weird. We have been literally dead at work, and of course now that I writing this and since it is my night on call, we will get something. This is probably the calm before the storm because winter is coming, and with winter it brings death.

Regardless, today will end and tomorrow I will be able to go home at noon!

Until next time.

(Un)Happy Halloween

Where do I begin in today's blog...well perhaps I should say, Happy Halloween because it is Halloween...even though it does not feel remotely like Halloween to me.

As I had mentioned in my previous blog, Jim and Jack both lost their mother last week. Her visitation was this past Monday and it was extraordinary. There were flowers everywhere, and the line was out of the North chapel snaking into the South! I had to stand in line for over 30 minutes just to say goodbye and pay my final respects. I unfortunately had to miss her actual funeral mass because I was in school, but was invited to go to lunch, which was great; love Polish food!

Since the days surrounding the visitation and funeral were fairly quiet , i.e. not a lot of removals; it makes perfect sense that yesterday we were slammed. We had gotten three removals Wednesday night and early Thursday morning, and another two removals during the day on Thursday and one more Thursday night. (I had literally just gotten home and into my PJ's when Kevin called saying we had a house call). So in total we had six that day...six.

Yesterday marked day one on my five day stretch on being on call since I am taking over for Caleb this weekend. And this week marks week two of three that I will be working every. single. fucking. day. To say that I am just a little home sick is an understatement. If there is anything truly difficult about being an apprentice it is the fact that I can not see my mom and friends back home as much as I would like.

Thankfully Caleb will be taking my weekend next week so I can go home for my cousin's baby shower, and I should even be able to leave early on Friday provided the apocalypse doesn't happen...

The nice thing about having so many bodies come in, all the apprentices got an opportunity to get in an embalming. Two out of my 25 needed embalming have now been documented. (I know that I have worked on more than just my two, but have not had the chance to document them and recalling an embalming from a month ago is really hard).

One interesting fact that I learned the other day was that if you own a crypt chances are that you will have to be embalmed. Now in our state of Wisconsin, (or really any state in America for that matter), you are not required by law to be embalmed, however cemeteries may make some stipulations....such as if you have an above ground crypt. The reason for this being is that when the body starts to decompose there are a lot of fluids and gas buildup and will eventually seep from the cracks within the crypt causing a horrible odor and lots of flies to congregate.

So what I have learned this week:
- if someone related to someone who works in the death industry dies; expect a massive turn out
- I do not do well working for three weeks straight not being able to go home and see my mom
- Crypt owners should expect to be embalmed when they die

Until next time...

What Do You Mean It's Not Water Proof?!

Let me start off this post by taking a moment to say that just because I work in the death industry, does not make experiencing a personal death any less hard or tragic. Today my bosses Jim and Jack lost their mother, and even though I never had the chance to meet her personally, my heart is still heavy.

By working in a funeral home, you become family with everyone you work with, just because you see them literally every single day. So when someone goes through a personal tragedy, it effects us all....needless to say, the next few days, weeks,...hell even months, will be hard on us all.


Now to transition from that, to what I did today. After getting back to The Home from working a funeral with Michelle, I was told that I needed to take the remains of Mrs. S to the M.E. and to take Steve with me since he hasn't done this before. Mrs. S was the house call that Kevin and I did, where we found out after the fact that she had fractured her hip 6 months prior.

So Steve and I go to the M.E. and it goes smoothly, and we come back. I am pushing Mrs. S up to the prep room to transfer her back to a table, when David says, "Good, You're back, and you'll be going back to the M.E."

I pause a moment and ask, "Why? I hope I didn't forget anything,...I mean I have Mrs. S right here..." David said, "No...we have a removal from the M.E."
"Oh, can I take Steve with me again? He hasn't done a removal from the M.E. before"
"Sure, just hurry back"

Back to the M.E we went! This time I made sure that I had my apprenticeship license on me so I could sign off on the paperwork. As I have mentioned in previous posts, whenever we go to the M.E. to do a removal we make sure that we always have a Batesville casket liner so we can transfer the body bag onto the gurney. The transfer went as well as could be expected. I signed off on paperwork and we transferred the body onto the gurney, the body was fairly large, but nothing extremely huge. What was large though, was the sack of clothing and amount of money this individual had on them prior to death. Thankfully we got an inventory sheet and were able to head back to The Home.

Once we got back, I made sure to give Dani the small bag of valued goods so that it could be documented and locked away, she then asked who was going to help David with the embalming.

Embalming you say? I eagerly raised my hand, stating that I would love to do this so I could document my first autopsy embalming...plus Steve and Caleb both wanted to go home since they were not on call tonight or this weekend.

Changing into my scrubs I put on the 'Smurf Suit' which looks like this:

The only exception being that I don't wear the face shield since I wear glasses and we are not required to wear a hair net....and also the casket is never in the embalming room...(This photo was taken from Google).

The body was fully opened and the breast plate was taken off so we could get to the bag of organs to treat them. When embalming a body that has been autopsied, we have a special pot, or kettle, that we use to put them in. First we place a red hazardous materials bag inside the kettle, then we place the organ bag. After opening the organ bag we dumped two bottles of chemicals that would help preserve the organs, once done we replace the lid and proceed on with the embalming.

Really wish I could have taken some pictures on what I was doing because the human anatomy is really interesting! With everything removed you can see the spinal column and all the layers of fat, muscle, and skin. Since the body cavity is wide open, it makes finding the arteries for embalming (supposedly) a lot easier. Thankfully I didn't have to find them, instead David went digging (literally) around in search of them. The femoral artery, found in the legs near the groin, were fairly easy to find, but the axillary artery found in the arms near the armpit were very difficult.

While David was running the embalming fluid through the body, I had to take the special autopsy aspirator and suck up all the fluids that were pouring inside of the body cavity. Once we were done running the lines down the legs and down the arms, we had to run the line up the axillary so it would go into the face and head. Now let me remind you that during an autopsy, the skull is opened so the brain can be examined, meaning the head is now just a gaping hole. When we run the line up into the head, there is a place (and forgive me, but I can not remember what it's called) that we must pinch to prevent us getting sprayed with embalming fluid.

Once that was all done, and all the extra liquids were soaked up, I got to stuff the neck hole and work on setting the features...it was really weird to see into the mouth and not see a tongue! This time placing the eye caps proved to be really difficult because the eyeballs were basically caving in. So we finished setting the features and I was (of course) given the task of removing the organs from the kettle and layering them inside the body....joy.

In order to create our 'Satan's lasagna' ...as I so affectionately named it, we first must start off with a layer of Viserac, a powdery substance that looks like saw dust but contains formaldehyde. After a layer has been spread inside the body cavity I then began the disgusting task of bobbing for organs. I took a few deep breaths, and then a few more; psyching myself up for the disgusting adventure that I was currently embarking on.

Reaching inside the bag I began to hum loudly to myself, a tactic that I use to distract myself from something either very painful, or now, very disgusting.  And I must say, it kinda worked. I grabbed a hold of a slippery mass, of what I really can't say because everything was dissected from the autopsy, and then placed it inside the body cavity. When it was layered inside I sprinkled in more Viserac, and then added in more guts. I was up to my elbow in blood and guts, and beginning to worry that there wouldn't be enough room in the cavity for everything. I asked David if the gowns were water proof because I was beginning to feel some wetness creeping up on my forearm...the answer David gave me was less than satisfactory... "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT WATER PROOF?!" seriously!!! Out of everything that should be water proof...or at least resistant, you'd think that our embalming gown would be!

Now that Satan's lasagna was finished, I was now able to suture up the body. I got to about the navel before David kicked me off of the struggle bus and took over finishing the body. If I ever felt like a failure...it was here. Where as I was struggling just to pierce the skin with the needle, David made it look effortless.

While he was finishing up suturing the body, I began to give everything a thorough cleaning and spray down with bleach. Did you know that when blood is sprayed with bleach it turns a horrible brownish green color? Once we were done (shortly before 6), we both got out of our Smurf outfits so we could change back into our work clothes.

I should say that I was not surprised, but I was, and thoroughly disgusted. After taking off my blue smock, I could see that my right forearm was covered in blood. Oh joy. Oh rapture, Oh happy day!
Needless to say, I gave my hands and forearms a deep clean and took a nice hot shower once I got back to my dorm.

So that is my story for the day. Tragic and bloody. More about the events of the funeral for Mary and the cause of death on Mr. Bloody in the days to come.

Until next time.

Why Am I Doing This Again?

Today is a perfect example of me constantly asking myself, "Why the hell am I getting into this field?"

Last night, or really in the wee hours of this morning my partner Kevin called (1:30 am) to say we had a removal. I tell him I'll be there as quick as I can and get dressed. For someone who needs a good 8 hours to just function, trying to work on only two hours of sleep can be very difficult, plus I get really sick with not getting enough sleep. It's like your stomach wants to void itself, but you're really hungry, but really you just need a few more hours sleep and you'll be just Jim Dandy.

Driving through Milwaukee at 1:30 in the morning is a special kind of treat. There really isn't a whole lot of traffic and a lot of the stop lights are in their hazard flashing mode. While I was on the highway, I saw Kevin speed past me, I laughed that I was able to spot his car on the highway going 55+ mph.

We arrived at The Home and Kevin called getting more information about our removal. The person who originally called to notify us worked for a hospice. We were given the address and headed out, neither one of us totally familiar with were we were going. When we arrived to our destination Kevin and I were both royally pissed. Not once, during the informational call back, did Jim mention that this would be a house call. He told us hospice, so we all just assumed that we would be going to a hospice care center.

Since we didn't know it was a house call, we also didn't bother to bring the hugger or our house kit; and get this, this house had a three level ramp right in front of it. So Kevin and I take a moment, walking up the ramp just trying to figure out if our gurney could make the sharp turns. We then enter the home and the home hospice nurse along with the grandson and a neighbor are all there. I take a moment to introduce myself and give my condolences and the grandson, who really didn't seem much older than me, gave me a hug. I was taken aback by this gesture, but figured grief and loss makes people want to be closer to other, even if they are a stranger.

So we fill out all the necessary forms and get basic information about the deceased and the next of kin who isn't there. Kevin and I realize that neither one of us have an information brochure to give to the family so they can fill it out and bring it to their arrangement. Not the worst thing in the world but still mildly annoying.

Kevin and I were able to maneuver the gurney up the ramp and into the house, but were unable to get it inside of the room. So we had to lower the gurney onto the ground and after carefully shrouding the body, we physically carried the deceased to the gurney and strapped her in.  Thankfully she was thin and frail, which made her easy to carry.

Going back down the ramp proved to be a bit difficult but we managed. Right as we are about to leave the nurse informs us that the deceased suffered a fall about six months ago, but it did not result in her death. This sent up red flags to Kevin and I because we both know that the M.E. needs to be informed of any falls, fractures, or breaks, even if it didn't result in death....and how apt that the "No" box for notify the M.E. was checked.

So as we are pulling away from the house, Kevin gives Jim a call asking if we need to make a late night trip to the M.E. to get her checked. Jim says that it can wait until morning...or until we double check the length of time from fracture, obviously if it happened a year ago we wouldn't much care. Jim also mentions that we are to be expecting another removal once we return.

After arriving back to The Home, we proceed to undress and document the body. Jim gives me a call saying that we forgot to give the hospice nurse some paperwork. I apologize profusely and tell him that we will deliver it once we are on our way to the second removal. I take a quick look at the paperwork and realize that we forgot to have the nurse sign our own internal document that we use for 'chain of custody', so it's a good thing that we are going back; and now we can give the family the informational brochure.

Kevin gives Jim a call to get the information on our second removal, and this time it's at a hospital. Ironically it is also the same hospital that Jim and Jack's mother has been staying in for the last few weeks. Their mother has been in and out of the ICU for a while now, and she was suppose to be coming home the other day, but we are all thinking that her time with us will be very limited. We got this call courtesy of Jim and Jack talking to this family who had their loved only a few rooms down from their mothers.

This removal was pretty straight forward, in and (waiting) out within a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately I didn't get home until 4:45 am and had to be back to work at 8:30. Waking up for the second time was brutal and I really started to question my sanity.

I was able to help run a funeral service at our other location, but because I didn't get much sleep, and didn't eat a decent breakfast I was getting pretty sick with low blood sugar. I didn't leave the second location until 2:30, meaning that I didn't get to eat my lunch until 3. I was not a happy camper.

That is until Mitch came in and said that he was just about to do a stoking next door!

I have wanted to see a stoking done for a cremation for a while now. Mitch and I went next door and he opened the retort door just enough so he could slide a long metal rake, which really looks like a gardening hoe, inside. I knelt down and peered inside the chaos that was happening. A lot of the bone fragments were glowing a fiery orange, which is good, but there was still a lot of black, meaning it wasn't fully done yet. I could see the spinal column and the thick bone mass of the rib cage and chest area. This is where Mitch began to stoke, trying to break up the bones and get them more centered inside of the inferno. 

Once that was done we closed the retort door and added another thirty minutes to the cremation, just because the body was still so black. I took a deep breath, and then another one. Mitch said, "Yeah you smell that?" and I replied, "Yes...is that what the bodies smell like?" "Yes indeedy...they smell like mesquite BBQ wood chips"

And that my friends is what a burning body in a crematory smells like...burning BBQ. A lot better than it being embalmed, but about 1000 times noisier.

Here is a clip from that documentary that I keep telling you all to go watch, A Certain Kind of Death

This is how human remains are cremated.

Guess I will leave you with that just burning in your mind -cue rim shot-.

Until next time. 

DON'T POKE THE BAG!

When I was a kid, I would go to the grocery store with my mom and always had a fascination with poking the various meats that were wrapped in cellophane. This obsession became so great that my mother would say, "Don't poke the meat!"

Why I had (and let's be honest, still do) this obsession is beyond me. I think part of it was this really cool realization that there was this ewwy, gooey thing wrapped in all this cellophane and your finger wouldn't get messy by touching it.

Transfer this obsession to the funeral world and I am in 7th heaven with all the stuff I get to poke around in. Yes it's disgusting but the textures of the human anatomy is fascinating.

Remember in my last blog how I mentioned that the M.E. had to remove one of our individuals for an autopsy? Well after asking a few questions I got the low down on this guy's situation. Apparently this person had dropped dead at work, (possible cocaine abuse), and the hospital did not notify the M.E. This, unfortunately is a pretty common mistake. What is uncommon in this situation is how long it took the M.E. to get notified, which was over 10 days. Remember this is the guy who died on October 1st, and was not picked up from the hospital morgue until this past Monday, the 13th. And the only reason that the M.E. was notified was because we had called and asked about this gentleman's situation!

So a transport company that works for the M.E. came out to The Home to remove the body so that it could be autopsied, this happened yesterday. Today when I got back from setting up a visitation at our other location I was busy washing the hearse. (Oh quick side note, I got to drive the hearse today and fill it up with gas. It was the coolest thing ever!) Right as I'm finishing up, Steve and Caleb come back with the body from the M.E.

I made a comment about how they get all the fun, sewing up the body, and Caleb said that he would gladly let me in on it so he didn't have to stick around any later than he had to. Wonderful trade off! I got Caleb to finish washing the hearse and the other cars and I got the chance to practice my skills!

After changing into my scrubs, Steve and I got busy unzipping the body bags, Dani was going to supervise us. When the unveiling was complete we all did a collective groan. This guy who is over 6 feet tall and well over 250 lbs, was so bloated from all the gasses that had built up from the autopsy (and from also being dead for two weeks now), that his gut bag was protruding from his abdominal cavity.

Back when I worked on my first autopsy case with the 22 year old who had died, the kid had only been dead for less than 48 hours by the time we got him, and also he was in a lot better physical shape so his gut bag was very well hidden within his skin flaps....really no matter how I phrase that, it will just sound horribly disturbing.

Once the medical examiner is done with all they need to do with the organs and brain they place them inside a clear plastic bag, and then place that bag inside of the body cavity and then do a very quick sewing job just so that the skin flaps are held together and the bag doesn't fall out.

Because this gentleman was so large, and so very very dead, his bag was full of all the noxious gases that protrude from a human corpse.

Steve got to work the head, applying the drying spray and the silly putty. Then carefully fixing the skull cap and doing the best he could sewing the flap of skull skin back into place. While he was doing that, I was sewing up the incision on the abdomen. Dani mentioned to no poke through the bag with my needle in order to spare us all a horrible stench and messy clean up.

I started near the groin, which ironically is where it is hardest to sew because the stomach is so soft. I had to go through three different needles in order to find one sharp enough. When you're sewing through human flesh you need to just the right amount of force and leverage to get through all the layers of fat and skin, all the while being very careful not to poke yourself with the needle. Finger and hand placement is critical. ...also knowing that this individual could have died from cocaine put me on high alert because there could have been a slew of other horrible things in his blood and guts. (And this right here folks, is why we in the funeral industry are having panic attacks about Ebola going around in the United States, this is a serious safety hazard that we must face).

So I am sewing along this guy's abdomen, having to clamp it into several places just to get the skin to meet, all the while having my hand basically down into his cavity pushing down on his gut bag. Right around the belly button is when it happened. I was pressing through the skin and pulling tight on the string when all of a sudden I saw this brown liquid come seeping through the stitching I had done, and a horrible odor began to form. ...oh shit, I poked the bag.

I quickly poured some absorbing powder over the belly button, and gave a small chuckle....well at least his gut bag will go down now!

I continued to sew, getting into a rhythm of pushing and pulling through the skin, making sure everything was tight. My middle finger on my left hand became extremely tender due to a cut I had received the day before, ironically Dani mentioned that you know you're doing a good job sewing when you start to get blisters.

Thankfully I did not have to work the Bermuda Triangle of death, the place where the Y incision meets, Dani was nice enough to do that for me. So while I was finishing up, Steve was riding the struggle bus trying to sew this guy's skull skin together without his long hair getting in the way. Dani had to go back over his stitching because you could clearly see a gap between the skull and skin...had this been left like it was, all sorts of nasty liquid would have come spewing out.

I had asked Dani what would we have done to create this man's neck if he were going to be viewed, the details are a bit horrifying. Basically we would have removed the gut bag and placed it on the table between his legs. Then we would have taken some thick cotton and shoved it inside his neck hole, trying to create the structure of the neck....kind of glad that we didn't have to do that today.

When we were all done sewing we washed him off and tried to transfer him onto the portable table. Because he was originally pushed down a little on the embalming table, (to give us room to work on his head), we had to pull him back up the table.

Dani and I had to each grab underneath his arm pit and try to pull him up, while Steve pushed on his feet. ...This is where another extremely disgusting thing happened...my hand slipped under from where I was holding and I came up holding a chunk of his skin....this is what we call skin slip people! -insert gagging noises here- A bit funny how out of everything I did, saw, and smelled, this is where I begin to gag.

After that Dani was fed up with this guy so she pulled out a large white strap to help heft him onto the table. Some funeral homes have a really nice machine that will hoist bodies on and off of the embalming table, and into caskets....unfortunately we still do things the old fashion way...a surprisingly disgusting workout.

Thankfully I didn't have to stick around for clean up because I had to get out to our other location to work a visitation, and that deserves a blog all to itself, which I hope to write tomorrow after the I experience the joy of working its service and committal.

Until next time.

24 Hour Madness

Let me begin tonight's blog by saying, "I'm alright."

...Physically, I'm alright, mentally...that is to be determined.

Yesterday on my way to work I was involved in a car accident. My first car accident actually since I have been driving. It was raining pretty hard and I was in the middle lane trying to merge into the right when I side swiped a car. Thankfully both of us were okay and my car only suffered cosmetic damage.

Eventually I made it to work and got busy doing various things. First they wanted me to work on a video and print a prayer card, but the prayer card became more involved than I had anticipated so Caleb had to step in and take over. While he was working on that I decided to find other work, and was told to set the features on a gentleman that had just been transferred into our care.

This was my second time working by myself setting the features but I felt pretty confident in what I had to do. I sprayed him down with disinfectant and placed the eye caps onto. This gentleman had facial hair, but since it was to be a closed casket with no embalming I did not have to shave him. The most difficult part about feature setting in the sealing of the mouth. I asked Dani to help supervise and give advice because this task takes a lot of hand dexterity which, when you are wearing gloves and have to not only hold the wire in place but also hold a large awkward tool for drilling, makes it very hard. (You're not actually drilling the wire into the gums, you're more or less using a tool that pounds it into the bone/hard tissue.)

So once you have the wires implanted into the upper and bottoms gums, you then must hold the jaw in place, all the while trying to twist the wires to keep the mouth shut. This part is also extremely difficult and requires dexterity, which I am beginning to build but still haven't quite mastered. Thankfully this gentleman's face was very full, so I did not have to use a lot of cotton to fill out his cheeks, nor did I need 'mouth fix' to seal his lips.

Once I was done setting the features I bathed him and washed his hair. When all was said and done I had completed a successful feature setting.

After cleaning everything up I was told to wash all the vehicles, a joyless task that becomes almost mind numbing after a while. When that was done I was finally able to eat dinner before I was to set out to our other location for a visitation.

Right as I was about to leave the parking lot, I noticed that my car was driving funny. I got out and saw that my front passenger side wheel was flat from the accident. So here I am freaking out because I need to be somewhere in 30 minutes and I have no way of getting there. I called Jim and he said to try and fix my flat and to see if Steve would be able to help. I go ask Steve, who is currently cleaning up the prep room after doing an embalming and he said he would try once he was done.

So I go out to my car and roll out my spare along with my jack. Now I have never changed a tire before but know the basic mechanics of it....did I mention that it has been raining all day? Because of course it has to raining while I'm trying to fix my flat. Thankfully I changed into my sweater that I had worn at school to preserve my work shirt for the visitation.

While I am trying to fix this flat, Caleb returns having just completed running an errand. He comes over trying to help, and immediately says that I'm doing it wrong. Apparently you need to loosen the lug nuts before you jack the car all the way up. So I try to lower it and he says not to bother since it's up. Caleb then proceeds to basically jump on the tire iron trying to get the lug nut to loosen. This is when Steve comes out and basically just stands around 'supervising' us. Because Caleb is jumping on my car, he causes it to roll off the jack. This is where I politely tell Caleb to back the fuck off my car, you've done enough.

I then try to find out where the closest tow trucking company is so that they can come out and help fix my flat. Caleb, Tweedle Dumbass, asks if I know anyone who might have a torque wrench, to which I again, politely tell him, no, I'm from fucking Stevens Point, I have no friends in Milwaukee asides you fuckers, and that is not by choice!

Eventually I get a hold of a towing company who say that they can get out within an hour and a half. AN HOUR AND A FUCKING HALF! It is already 6, I was suppose to be at our other location at 6! I call Jim and let him know, and although I can tell he is frustrated (with me or Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass, I don't know) but really this whole situation is out of my control.

So Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass leave me all alone, waiting for the tow truck guy to come out and I go back inside and proceed to have the meltdown of the century. Eventually when I gain my composure I call my mom and just complain about how much being an adult sucks, and blah blah blah.

Shortly after 7 the tow truck guy comes and promptly removes my flat and attaches my spare. I watch closely how he does this so that in the future, I will not need to rely on anyone BUT MYSELF for this issue.  I explain to him what happened and asked him to take a quick look my car and he says that the rim of the tire looks good and that nothing looked damaged aside cosmetic. He even recommended the same place that Jim did to get my tire fixed, which was comforting.

After paying Eric the Tow Truck Man $63 for his services, I proceed onto our other location. As I merge onto the highway I see that there is another accident and that they are loading a gentleman into the back of an ambulance. I count my lucky stars and thank the Lord that, that was not me earlier today. (Did I mention that right before I got into the accident I recited the Lord's Prayer? Yup, thank's God!)

By the time I get to our other chapel I had calmed down considerably. Everyone is asking if I'm okay and I recite my whole dramatic monologue that has been brewing inside of my head all day. Ironically I was really happy to be at work finishing this visitation because not only was this family just absolutely wonderful and sweet, it also helped me end my day on somewhat of a good note, knowing that I am doing something good instead of going back to my dorm and bitching about all the shit I had gone through.

So all that shit happened yesterday.

Today, I had to be at work at 7 to help load vans to go to churches because guess what guys, we had three funerals today! Two in the morning and one this afternoon. Once I loaded up one of the vans, we got a death call for a house visit, along with another call for a removal from a hospital.

The van that I had just loaded, had to be unloaded so we could go to the hospital and transfer this body into our care.  Now this woman that we had picked up had to also be taken to the M.E. for viewing, but because we were in such a rush to get to church and do this house call, we had to drop her off at The Home, then swing around to do the house call, then drop that woman off, load up the van yet again and go to church to set up. Thankfully by this time another apprentice had come in so I did not have to go to church to set up, instead I got to take the woman from the hospital to the M.E. all by myself!

I can tell that I am becoming more adapted to Milwaukee by not having to rely on my GPS to get around all the time...and also I have been to the M.E. a bunch of times so that helps. I can also tell that they are beginning to rely on me more at work since I am doing tasks like this by myself. Normally we always have two people to do removals, but since this woman only had to be viewed I was okay to go by myself.

Whenever one goes to the M.E. one must always represent where they work with pride and dignity. Apparently I work at one of the few funeral homes that supply their apprentices and directors with name tags because the other directors (or apprentices) I ran into at the M.E. didn't have them...or were being dicks and were not wearing them.

Once I was done at the M.E. I transported the remains back to The Home and got the woman ready on the prep table for her alternative care. While this was going on, we had two guys from the M.E. come out to remove one of our bodies because guess what kids, a hospital severely fucked up on the cause of death of this individual and this gentleman needed an autopsy! Oh and let me just say that this was the gentleman who died on October 1st and we did not transfer him into our care because the family could not afford to pay us. THE FIRST OF OCTOBER! This man has been dead for over two weeks and they are just NOW catching their mistake? Seriously, what the flying FUCK goes on at these hospitals that these doctors can not give an accurate cause of death!?!?! Let us be happy that we did not embalm this man...even if we could have (which being two weeks dead and kept in a cooler makes for a very difficult embalming)

So finally all the shenanigans seem to be dying down. Jack tells me that I will be going to church to set up for the third service. Things more or less go as planned and after an hour I'm told to go back to The Home and do a delivery for one of the families that we held the service for earlier today.

One of the things I really enjoy doing are deliveries. Flowers suck, don't get me wrong, I fucking HATE flowers. They tip, they spill, you get covered in pollen, but I love talking to families and explaining the register book that we create and more or less answering any questions that they might have. This family was very sweet and helped me unload the flowers and wanted information about pre-planning their own funerals, which is pretty much the best compliment you can get knowing that your work is so great that they themselves want to come to you for their own funerals.

When I get back after the delivery I hear that Steve and Caleb have left to do a removal, after having just gotten back from doing one that was 30 minutes away. That means that we have done four removals, and I think there were two or three pending still. Regardless I'm not on call so the fucks I give are microscopic if non-existent.

And this whole time David has been in the embalming room, working on an embalming and doing alternative prep on the bodies that we have seemingly collected over the course of the day.

My biggest question is where the hell are we going to be keeping these bodies. We only have 9 tables to physically put bodies on, I think we are now entering into makeshift tables involving alternative containers and casket trucks, but I won't find that out until tomorrow when I go in.

Until next time.

Three Year Reflection

Today marks the three year anniversary of when we buried my grandpa. It is amazing how time moves by so quickly. It astounds me that my grandma has been gone for 6 years now -- going on 7. Death is one of those weird experiences where you physically lose someone you love and it breaks you wide open.

You become a hysterical mess of tears and snot when you first learn of the death; and your heart physically feels like it is breaking into a million little pieces. Then you begin to come down from the inner (and outer) hysteria, and you enter this catatonic state of numbness where you almost don't know what is going on around you. The world continues to move forward as you feel paralyzed, unprepared of what this new journey will lead you through.

You go through the motions of dealing with the funeral home and director. Picking out caskets or urns, debating what color schemes to use and what register book you feel best captures your loved one's spirit. You go home and become over whelmed with everything that needs to get done before the funeral.

Photo albums and pictures, so many pictures and memorabilia. You smile at the memories that they invoke, and then you break down into a flood of tears because it is now just sinking in that you will never see this person again.

You pick out what clothing you will be giving to the funeral director so that your loved one is properly dressed for their big day. All the while filtering all these calls that come rushing in, all these people reaching out to give their condolences. You still feel stuck in one place as the world buzzes around you.

The day of the visitation you arrive early even though you think you'll be late. The director shows you to the room and you hesitate to enter, knowing what lies behind the doors. Slowly you put one foot in front of the other as you take a deep breath. "You can do this," you keep telling yourself, "just remember to breathe".

You walk inside the room and take everything in, carefully avoiding looking at the open casket as you slowly approach it. Finally your loved one is before you and you look down. You see how peaceful they look, almost like they are sleeping, but you notice a few things are off. Like the color of the nails, or the shade of lipstick, just subtle reminders that your loved one is in fact not sleeping, not breathing.

Tears form and fall down your face and a shudder rips through you. Family and friends form a procession and file past you, giving hugs and sympathetic glances your way. For the life of you, you can not remember the name of your second cousins' wife, but you greet her as warmly as you can and thank her for coming.

The visitation comes to an end and you gather your belongings and head back home, knowing that sleep will not come tonight.

The morning of the funeral feels like you are blitzing through everything, praying that you do not forget anything before you head to the church. You arrive just in time, another hour of visitation and the procession begins. You line up with your family behind the casket and watch as the funeral directors slowly and carefully close the casket. This is the last time you will ever see your loved one. In a small dull voice in the back of your head you catch yourself saying, "This is real. This is really happening."

You slowly walk behind the casket as it makes its way up the isle to the front of the church. Taking your seat on the hard wooden pew, you try to catch up to where the congregation is singing. The priest says some words, and you sing Amazing Grace. You almost lose it, you try to sing but your voice keeps breaking. A family member goes up and gives their eulogy, and as the casket is lead out to the hearse "How Great Thou Art" is being sung and what you were holding back breaks through your cracking resolve.

The pallbearers surround the casket and load it into the back of the hearse. Walking back to your car, you see a small funeral flag attached to your hood, notifying everyone who sees it, of your small little tragedy.

Following the hearse, you traverse through city streets until you reach the cemetery, along the way making small talk with your passengers about how lovely the service was. The mound of dirt beside the open grave is poorly hidden under the fake grass carpeting. You notice that there is an honor guard present at the grave site.

As the casket is taken out by the pallbearers, the funeral director tells them how place it onto to the lowering device. The priest says the general graveside ceremony and the person with the trumpet begins to play Taps. All the while the honor guard folds the American flag and does the three rifle volley.

The tears that were softly falling are now gushing from your eyes at the beautiful significance of this ceremony. Your beloved fought to keep our country free and safe, and your heart swells with pride. You grab one of the shell casings to keep and return back to your car.

People return to the church for the luncheon that the church ladies have prepared. Over a plate full of various casseroles and questionable Jell-O concoctions you share fond memories of the person that is currently being lowered six feet into the ground.

Eventually you leave and go back home, exhausted and feeling hollow. Sleep comes surprisingly easy and as the days go by you start to breathe a little bit easier, and cry a little less frequently. There is of course the random bouts of crying that over come you regarding the silliest of things. Who knew that a certain brand of pizza would invoke such an emotional response from you.

Weeks turn into months, and months into years. You are now fairly well adjusted to life without your departed loved one. Every once in a while a random thought will come to you in regards to your departed. You will smile a sad smile, knowing that they are gone, but thankful for the random memory. It is in those moments that you believe that they are with you, watching over you, still loving you from the other side.

Your heart that was once shattered into a million little pieces is now put back together like a puzzle, but covered in scar tissue. It will continue to beat, until the day you are reunited on the other side.

Until that day, you live your life as best as you can. Wondering if  your loved one would have been proud of you and the choices that you have made.

And after a long day at work, you go home and sit down and reflect.

Three years ago today I buried my grandpa. He helped raised me, guided me, and fought for our country. I love you grandpa and miss you every single day. May you forever rest in peace with grandma in Heaven.

Until next time.

Unidentified and Unclaimed Bodies

One of the questions that has plagued me even before I started working in the death industry was: "What happens to the unclaimed and unidentified dead?"

Well today I started my own little investigation.

After going to the Medical Examiner's office today to literally smell a body...yes we had to go to the M.E. and smell the body of someone who would be coming into our funeral home for cremation because they were in such an advance state of decomp. After a good thorough sniff we deemed that this bloated, green, rotten husk of what use to be a human male was acceptable to bring within our funeral establishment. If the body was not deemed worthy we would have left it there at the M.E.'s office until tomorrow morning where we would throw him as our sacrifice into our ghastly crematorium.

Going about this process is a little bit more tricky than your regular autopsy. Because of his state of decomposition this person was doubled bagged (as in placed inside two body bags, and a bag was also placed around his head). Obviously we will not be removing him from his body bags. Instead we place the bags onto a table that we use that will be able to go into the cooler to help slow down the decomposition. Once we treat his body with chemicals to stop the rot and the persistent smell of death, we place clothing over the body, reseal him into the body bags and place those bags into an alternative container.

The family will not be viewing the body, but will be able to have a moment of visitation with him; much like a closed casket.

When I got home I decided to look up the Milwaukee County Medical Examiner and was really surprised by what I was able to find.

Here are the reasons why a death must be reported to the medical examiner:


Cases which must be reported:

Deaths meeting the requisite criteria must be immediately reported to the Medical Examiner. In the event that the injury causing the death occurred in another county, the Milwaukee County Medical Examiner must be notified and would refer the case investigation to the outside county.


All physicians and other persons having knowledge of the death of any person who has died under any of the following circumstances shall immediately report such death to the Medical Examiner:
All deaths in which there are unexplained, unusual or suspicious circumstances;
All homicides, suicides, accidents or unnatural deaths;
All deaths due to poisoning or overdose, whether homicidal, suicidal, or accidental;
All deaths following accidents, whether the injury is or was not the primary cause of death (examples: quadriplegia due to trauma or an accident);
When there is no physician or accredited practitioner, who has attended or treated the decedent within 30 days preceding death;
When the physician caring for the decedent refuses to sign the death certificate;
All deaths that occur in a hospital emergency room setting;
Maternal deaths due to abortion;
Deaths of inmates of public institutions, who have not been hospitalized for organic illness;
Deaths of persons in custody of law enforcement officers;
Deaths that occur in association with, or as a result of diagnostic, therapeutic, or anesthetic procedures;
Deaths due to neglect;
Fetus of 20 weeks or older, unattended by a physician or practitioner;
Deaths of persons in which a fracture of a major bone (femur, tibia, pelvis, skull, etc.) has occurred within the past six months;
Deaths following traumatic head bleeds
Deaths occurring outside of a hospital or nursing home, and not enrolled in a palliative care program under the care of a physician;
Occupational related deaths attributable entirely or in part to external work place factors;
Any death in which there is doubt as to whether it is a Medical Examiner's case should be reported and discussed with a Medical Examiner's Forensic Investigator;
Sudden and unexpected deaths occurring in infants or children under the age of 2, under circumstances not explained by a pre-existing medical problem, must be referred to the Medical Examiner.

For those of you who might be wondering, an autopsy is not performed in every single case that comes into the M.E. A lot of the time the medical examiner working on the case can determine cause of death by viewing the medical records and during their investigation. An autopsy is ordered by the medical examiner when cause of death is uncertain and in some cases they are required by law due to the circumstances surrounding their death.

And then I found this really interesting report from 1919:

1919 Complete Coroner's Report

Which is really fascinating to read. If you have never read a coroner's annual report, it breaks down that year's death total into different categories such as murders, suicides, and natural causes.

For those of my readers who live in Portage County, here is the 2012 Coroner's annual report. Here

The information found on these reports comes from the death certificates and is used for statistics and the like.

If you took the time to check those links out (or even if you didn't). Notice how in 1919 in Milwaukee there were 710 reported deaths as compared to the 2012 Portage County 268 reported deaths. Today, the Milwaukee County Medial Examiner investigates about 6,000 deaths each year. To say that I am going to school for mortuary science in a great area is an understatement.

One interesting thing about larger counties such as Milwaukee or Cook County Illinois (where Chicago is located) is that on the Medical Examiner's website they also have a section for unidentified bodies.

If you so dare, you may check out how they document the unclaimed dead for Milwaukee County Here. Please keep in mind that it does contain graphic images of both adults and children.

As far as what happens to the physical remains of the unclaimed dead here is what I was able to find from our Wisconsin Government State Statues:


157.02  Disposal of unclaimed corpses.


(1)  Notice to relatives. When an inmate of any state, county or municipal institution dies, the superintendent or other person in charge of the institution shall immediately notify a relative of the decedent. A public officer having the possession or the disposition of a corpse shall immediately notify a relative of the decedent. If no relative is known, or discoverable by use of ordinary diligence, notice may be dispensed with. In addition, if the deceased had been an inmate of a state correctional institution, the department of corrections shall provide written notification to the relative informing him or her that the department of corrections, upon request, will provide a copy of any autopsy report or other report or information pertaining to the death. The department of corrections shall describe how the request may be made and shall promptly comply with any such request.


(2) Time allowed relative to act. If a relative or friend fails to arrange for taking charge of the corpse within a reasonable time after death, the superintendent or other officer may proceed as provided in this section, but relatives or friends may claim the corpse at any time before it has been delivered pursuant to sub. (3).


(3) Notice to university or school. If the corpse is in the Mendota Mental Health Institute district, the University of Wisconsin shall be notified that it may have the corpse. If the corpse is in the Winnebago Mental Health Institute district, the Medical College of Wisconsin, Inc., or any accredited school of mortuary science at Milwaukee shall be notified that it may have the corpse. The university or school so notified shall immediately inform the superintendent or public officer whether it desires to have the corpse. If it does, the corpse shall be delivered accordingly, properly encased, to the most available facility for transportation to the consignee, the consignee to pay the cost of transportation.


(4) Standing applications. If there are advance applications for such bodies, by the Medical College of Wisconsin, Inc., or any accredited school of mortuary science, the superintendent or public officer shall make an equitable distribution between them.


(5) Other disposition. If the corpse is not disposed of under subs. (1) to (4), the superintendent or public officer shall properly bury it.


History: 1971 c. 211; 1973 c. 90 s. 560 (3); 1985 a. 316 s. 14; Stats. 1985 s. 157.02; 1987 a. 27; 1989 a. 31; 2001 a. 103.


Link: http://docs.legis.wisconsin.gov/statutes/statutes/157



So for those of you who may not really understand legal jargon I have found this really interesting Wisconsin State Journal article written in 2010 about what some counties around Wisconsin do with their unclaimed dead. You can read it Here.


From what I was able to get from it, what happens to the remains of unclaimed and unidentified dead depends a lot on the size of the county and their budget. Some counties freeze, others bury (all on the cost of the tax payers dime).


And of course there is my favorite documentary that I have already previously mentioned in another blog but will leave it right here for you to watch again... "A Certain Kind of Death".


And with that my dear deathlings, I bid you all a good night.



Until next time.

Back to Back Death Calls

Two blogs in one night seems a bit excessive but let me explain. Tonight was one of those rare exceptions. Tonight was the night that I will use as an example for future apprentices as what can happen. Tonight, I pray to God, will end soon. Because I am so DONE with tonight!

Immediately after I uploaded my previous blog, my partner Kevin called me saying we had a removal at a nursing home. I was actually expecting this call before I left work today, so this wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise? Getting a call from Jack on our way to the nursing home saying that we have a house call after and need to check in ASAP.

Great. Just fucking great. Two calls in one night. Two 'first time' experiences in one day.

So we arrived at the nursing home and walk in where we normally would for a removal, and I shit you not I had one of these moments:

The lights were mostly out and there was NO ONE FUCKING THERE! Seriously, in a god damn nursing home, there was not a living soul to be found! So Kevin and I are trying to find someone and are about to leave when a nurse finally comes in and says that we are in the wrong building.

Seriously? Like no one cared to specify that when they called us? So we finally get to the right building, and keep in  mind it is only slightly after 8 pm so although most of the residences are in bed, there should still be a full night staff.

Thankfully there was a nurse at the desk when we entered and she showed us where the room was. This woman however, was trying to avoid going into the room where this woman had died at all costs. The cherry on top of this shit filled sundae was that they didn't have any paperwork! We had to wait for the nurse to first find the fucking right form, of which she only had page one of two and it wasn't filled out! I had to give her one of our copies of page two. Thankfully we always keep extra copies of all needed paperwork on us just in case we come in contact with a facility that can't tell their elbow from their asshole. 

So while we wait for Piper no Paperwork to get her act together, an older male RN comes in and starts asking questions as to where we are located and where we are taking the deceased and if that is where the family wants us to take her. I told him well they don't really have a choice in the matter of where we take her because our coolers or located at our main building. (of course I said this is a much more sophisticated and respectful manner).

After about 20 minutes Kevin and I start to get really pissed off, and Kevin texts Jack about what is going on. Keep in mind that we still have to take this body back to our main building, undress her, document her belongings and load up the van again to do our house call....and those poor people are still waiting!

FINALLY Piper no Paperwork comes back and I have her fill out our paper work while Kevin signs off on the paperwork she got for us. I then mention that she must now make a copy the paperwork she gave us and did she know that? FUCK. NO! I swear to God that had I not mentioned that we would have walked off with the originals and she would gotten fired....hmm perhaps I should have done this facility a kindness and had just taken the originals...

So of course we wait another 5 minutes as she makes the copies of the paperwork. I honestly would not be surprised if she was using copy paper to make us a copy. We then load up and head out. Kevin and I then proceed to have a bonding moment over how fucking insane it is to have a medical facility NOT have their fucking paperwork done.

I would go on a limb and say that they did have a copy already filled out somewhere in the shit hole that is that nursing home, but Lord knows if they can ever find it.

Once we get back we quickly unload and I start the documenting process of this woman's processions and try to undress her the best I can by myself while Kevin calls Jack for more information about our house call.

Can we catch a break? No, we can not. The house call, although located only a mile away, the body of the deceased is on the second floor. Keep in mind this is my first ever house call, and first ever back to back call so I am running on pure adrenaline right now.

Kevin and I drive over and try to find the house in the middle of the night. Thankfully one of the family members steps out and waves us over. We go inside, but 3 flights of small stairs to where the deceased is. The poor man was face down on the floor and extremely manicpated, I'm talking like 95 lbs. Once I go over the basic information of what we need from the family we give them a moment of privacy as Kevin and I go down and get our gurney ready. When we go on house calls we always go up first to assess the situation in case we need to use our 'burrito' or if we need to bring in our house pack that has a bunch of cleaning things and extra bits to make the place of death a bit more comfortable for the family. (comfortable is the wrong word for "less freaked out about having someone die at home, but it'll have to do).

Because this gentleman died on the second floor and was only 95 lbs Kevin and I got the burrito and placed a sheet on it. The Burrito is like a soft gurney with support to help us carry bodies down. Unfortunately since the departed was face down we had to also load him face down just because there was no other way to work. (keep in mind that there is a police officer who is watching us load this body, and this is my first time doing a house call -- the family had decided not to witness the removal; bless their heart)

We finally traverse down the stairs and I am sweating balls and breathing heavily, to the point where Kevin asks if I'm okay. I told him I'm fine just very very warm. One of the family members opens the screen door and we place the deceased onto the gurney and strap him in. ...Did I mention that our gurney for house calls has a known defect that will some time cause the gurney to fail when lowering and raising? Yeah it totally does and of course we almost drop the poor dead man because of the glitch, thankfully we recovered quickly and were able to load the guy in and drive off.

After arrive back to The Home I began the documentation process yet again for this gentleman and was shocked by the state of which he was in. He truly looked like one of the bodies that you see in Holocaust photos from the concentration camps.

Right as we are about to clean up and leave, Kevin can't find the fucking paper work that we need to put in his file. After looking for about 10 minutes he finally finds it in the fucking binder and we can now go home.

Which leads me to where I am right now. Sitting in my dorm, typing this up, sneezing constantly, praying to my dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that there will be no more calls for tonight.

Today is one of those days where I really wish I had someone to hug and just feel a living body next to mine. Life is precious and beautiful. And if you're a single male who doesn't freak out talking about death and are looking for a relationship I am now taking applications for "Date Jordy Death"


I was on the struggle bus more than I was off it today. I got to do a lot of 'firsts' in my apprenticeship and career, and not all of it was pretty. I feel deeply for the families who have lost their loved ones and pray that they will all find comfort and peace in the days to come.

But for right now, death can go fuck himself. I'm ready for bed.

Until next time...