Immediately after I uploaded my previous blog, my partner Kevin called me saying we had a removal at a nursing home. I was actually expecting this call before I left work today, so this wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise? Getting a call from Jack on our way to the nursing home saying that we have a house call after and need to check in ASAP.
Great. Just fucking great. Two calls in one night. Two 'first time' experiences in one day.
So we arrived at the nursing home and walk in where we normally would for a removal, and I shit you not I had one of these moments:
Seriously? Like no one cared to specify that when they called us? So we finally get to the right building, and keep in mind it is only slightly after 8 pm so although most of the residences are in bed, there should still be a full night staff.
Thankfully there was a nurse at the desk when we entered and she showed us where the room was. This woman however, was trying to avoid going into the room where this woman had died at all costs. The cherry on top of this shit filled sundae was that they didn't have any paperwork! We had to wait for the nurse to first find the fucking right form, of which she only had page one of two and it wasn't filled out! I had to give her one of our copies of page two. Thankfully we always keep extra copies of all needed paperwork on us just in case we come in contact with a facility that can't tell their elbow from their asshole.
So while we wait for Piper no Paperwork to get her act together, an older male RN comes in and starts asking questions as to where we are located and where we are taking the deceased and if that is where the family wants us to take her. I told him well they don't really have a choice in the matter of where we take her because our coolers or located at our main building. (of course I said this is a much more sophisticated and respectful manner).
After about 20 minutes Kevin and I start to get really pissed off, and Kevin texts Jack about what is going on. Keep in mind that we still have to take this body back to our main building, undress her, document her belongings and load up the van again to do our house call....and those poor people are still waiting!
FINALLY Piper no Paperwork comes back and I have her fill out our paper work while Kevin signs off on the paperwork she got for us. I then mention that she must now make a copy the paperwork she gave us and did she know that? FUCK. NO! I swear to God that had I not mentioned that we would have walked off with the originals and she would gotten fired....hmm perhaps I should have done this facility a kindness and had just taken the originals...
So of course we wait another 5 minutes as she makes the copies of the paperwork. I honestly would not be surprised if she was using copy paper to make us a copy. We then load up and head out. Kevin and I then proceed to have a bonding moment over how fucking insane it is to have a medical facility NOT have their fucking paperwork done.
I would go on a limb and say that they did have a copy already filled out somewhere in the shit hole that is that nursing home, but Lord knows if they can ever find it.
Once we get back we quickly unload and I start the documenting process of this woman's processions and try to undress her the best I can by myself while Kevin calls Jack for more information about our house call.
Can we catch a break? No, we can not. The house call, although located only a mile away, the body of the deceased is on the second floor. Keep in mind this is my first ever house call, and first ever back to back call so I am running on pure adrenaline right now.
Kevin and I drive over and try to find the house in the middle of the night. Thankfully one of the family members steps out and waves us over. We go inside, but 3 flights of small stairs to where the deceased is. The poor man was face down on the floor and extremely manicpated, I'm talking like 95 lbs. Once I go over the basic information of what we need from the family we give them a moment of privacy as Kevin and I go down and get our gurney ready. When we go on house calls we always go up first to assess the situation in case we need to use our 'burrito' or if we need to bring in our house pack that has a bunch of cleaning things and extra bits to make the place of death a bit more comfortable for the family. (comfortable is the wrong word for "less freaked out about having someone die at home, but it'll have to do).
Because this gentleman died on the second floor and was only 95 lbs Kevin and I got the burrito and placed a sheet on it. The Burrito is like a soft gurney with support to help us carry bodies down. Unfortunately since the departed was face down we had to also load him face down just because there was no other way to work. (keep in mind that there is a police officer who is watching us load this body, and this is my first time doing a house call -- the family had decided not to witness the removal; bless their heart)
We finally traverse down the stairs and I am sweating balls and breathing heavily, to the point where Kevin asks if I'm okay. I told him I'm fine just very very warm. One of the family members opens the screen door and we place the deceased onto the gurney and strap him in. ...Did I mention that our gurney for house calls has a known defect that will some time cause the gurney to fail when lowering and raising? Yeah it totally does and of course we almost drop the poor dead man because of the glitch, thankfully we recovered quickly and were able to load the guy in and drive off.
After arrive back to The Home I began the documentation process yet again for this gentleman and was shocked by the state of which he was in. He truly looked like one of the bodies that you see in Holocaust photos from the concentration camps.
Right as we are about to clean up and leave, Kevin can't find the fucking paper work that we need to put in his file. After looking for about 10 minutes he finally finds it in the fucking binder and we can now go home.
Which leads me to where I am right now. Sitting in my dorm, typing this up, sneezing constantly, praying to my dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that there will be no more calls for tonight.
Today is one of those days where I really wish I had someone to hug and just feel a living body next to mine. Life is precious and beautiful. And if you're a single male who doesn't freak out talking about death and are looking for a relationship I am now taking applications for "Date Jordy Death"
I was on the struggle bus more than I was off it today. I got to do a lot of 'firsts' in my apprenticeship and career, and not all of it was pretty. I feel deeply for the families who have lost their loved ones and pray that they will all find comfort and peace in the days to come.
But for right now, death can go fuck himself. I'm ready for bed.
Until next time...
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